Ten Ways to Open Your Heart – Pt. 2: Speak without Accusing

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Ten Ways to Open Your Heart – Pt. 2: Speak without Accusing

“Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”

-Miguel Angel Ruiz


In any relationship, people will experience “rough patches” where they seem to disagree on everything. Friendships and marriages can a turbulent period where the people involved are no longer on one accord. The way to eliminate petty arguments and avoid disagreements is to speak without accusing. What this means, to me, is to focus on explaining why the person’s actions have upset you instead of pointing out what they did wrong.

In the heat of the moment, it is easy point out the flaws of others without explaining why they are hurtful. Saying, “You never help me around the house” is a lot easier than saying, “I feel overwhelmed when I do not have any help from you”. This way of communicating leaves us vulnerable, but, at the same time, empowers us. We are clearly conveying what is wrong and why it is wrong to us. This opens up the door for our loved ones to understand our perspective on the situation. Blaming someone constantly for things will not result in that person changing their behavior, but explaining to someone how their behavior is affecting you will result in a transformation.

Owning up to your own mistakes, faults, and flaws contributes to this statement. It is important to recognize when we are failing to meet our end of the bargain. Though this may not be clear to us in at the precise moment, it is crucial to admit culpability. Confessing that you were wrong allows the person to trust you on a deeper level. You are showing them that you are attempting to improve your behavior and that will prompt them to mirror your actions.

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